Friday, June 5, 2009

Letting go of ghostly body images

Gaining weight really fast is a very strange feeling. I know that every woman is different and la-di-da, but as I believe that most women in the western world are not immune to the socio-economic "standard" of what weight is "normal" - most of us are probably affected in one way or another.

Since my teenage years my weight has yo-yo'd, it really wasn't until my mid 20's that it stabilized and the ups and down would vary with just a couple of pounds. I have also since then had a great workout routine with regular running with races and I also finished a triathlon.

So this sudden and abrupt weight gain is challenging mentally. 12 pounds (6 kilos) in a couple of months? That's allot!

I ask my doctor about it. She says it's fine. My blood pressure is low and sinking at 100/50. I don't have any health problems whatsoever. The baby is growing and is happy. I feel strong. So what's the problem?

Last night I had a dream that woke me up in cold sweats. In my dream I was at the doctor's office and I was weighed in as usual. The scale tipped in at 235 pounds. I remember thinking that this couldn't be right. Had everyone lied to me telling me that I look beautiful? Was I that self absorbed? Was I carrying two giant elephants? No wonder I couldn't see my own knees.

It's tough letting go of old ghosts. But it's also a really nice one that now includes both barbecued ribs and ice cream.

1 comment:

  1. I seriously think you could make a book out of these blog posts. I love getting an honest view of pregnancy that's also extremely humorous. And I really did think you looked luminous when I saw you at Tre K. You are right to focus on being healthy, even if the weight feels weird. DO you have a jogging stroller? You can keep up the running when the little one comes!