Yesterday I had another one of those breakdowns where you're not really sure what's wrong, it just is.
The whole day was crap. I am growing out of my maternity clothes, so picking an outfit for work became a huge anxiety party. Because my outfit looked so bad, I didn't bother to really do my hair or make up. I went to work basically feeling like I was transparent, which I know I'm not since I've gained more than 40 pounds.
At work, everything just went further south. I took vacation on Friday and Monday, and the folks that were supposed to cover for me all somehow fell through, but they all sent messages about it when I had already left work on Friday which resulted in over 100 emails in my inbox unattended..Weird.
Then when I got home I was really looking forward to my water workout class so that I could get some relief for my back - but after I got in the car to go pick up my husband, I started feeling nauseous. When my husband got in the car and asked me about my day, all channels opened up. I just cried and cried and cried. But I couldn't explain why.
So he handled the situation which is why he really is the best husband a girl can ask for. He took me home. He helped me change into my pyjamas. He gave me my book. He went and bought me lemonade. And then he sat with me and we talked about everything that worries me, one at a time..which ranged from car seats to that I want to make a big batch of chili so I don't have to cook when the baby comes. And then I fell asleep and slept for 12 hours.
Am I a wreck for feeling this way? Can I have a baby if I am a big baby myself? Maybe my husband will be a better mama than I will? Or maybe, just maybe - the hormones are overflowing?