2 days ago I had somewhat of a breakdown. It's been 14 weeks now of constant nausea. In fact, it's getting worse. A couple of weeks ago, I was able to eat and then feel good for about an hour. Now I feel sick before, during and after the meal. I'm starting to wake up in the middle of the night by it. And work? I don't know how I actually do it, it's like a fog...
Here is what happened. I got home from work ready to barf up a storm. Tom gets me my crackers and some fruit and I lay down. And then I start to cry. Loudly. My eyes and nose are running and it's one of those cry-outs where you can't breath normally because your body is so busy shaking, jerking and trying to get as many bodily fluids out at the same time. All channels open up.
Tom is the best husband there is for these types of situations. He wraps me up in his big arms, strokes my hair and tells me that everything is going to be OK. But I can't find his words particularly consoling, because I have a feeling that this nausea won't go away...like a gut feeling that whatever people say, it's not going to stop until she comes out. I keep crying in his arms for a good 20 minutes. Then he suggests that we call his mom, my mother-in-law, and ask her how her pregnancies were.
My mother-in-law is a tough lady. Born at the start of WWII in a small mining town in Sheffield, England with little or no means AND she has given birth to 4 boys. She is what you would define as "Old School" in most aspects. I love her to death, but she is very different from my own parents and it takes a while to get to know and love her quirks that makes her who she is.
The second Tom put her on the phone with me, she knew what was going on. She asked the right questions (although I doubt she could hear my answers through my cries and snorts). She didn't tell me to do this or that. She didn't say "I know exactly how you feel, and for me this worked". She just listened, comforted me and told me exactly what I needed to hear: "I know you are scared and you just need some help right now"
She was right on the money. I know my hormones are up the wall, but the worrying, the nausea, the expectations, the soreness, the tiredness and the happiness are REAL. You need to talk about it. You need to tell people. You need the support. She recognized it. She knew. Because she is a mommy.
If I become half the mother she is and has been to her boys, our daughter will be a very lucky girl. And as Tom is his mother's son, so I'd say the odds are looking pretty good.